Tag Archives: Winona Ryder

March 2013 Horoscopes


Happy Birthday Little Fishies!  Truth be told, I have a soft spot for Pisces.  They truly are the kindest and tender-heartedest folks, but I do like to joke that if Pisces are fish then their subspecies is Self-fish.  Don’t fret little Fishies, I mean that in a loving way.  It isn’t that you aren’t generous; you are very giving, but also very self-involved.  Pisces just aren’t capable of personal objectivity, but it isn’t a deep character flaw and you make up for it in many other ways.  Pisces are super charming, fun to be around and usually decent in bed (don’t expect them to choke you out or anything though).  This year has all the makings for wonderful growth opportunities if you wildly abandon your drippy fears.  Grab opportunities when they come, but maintain your integrity at all costs.  Without your honor, you have nothing.


Aries, one of your best traits is your dependability and general talent for making shit happen.  A true energetic catalyst, you draw people near and then get them all buzzed up.  This Aries flame gets some people all hot and bothered, so watch out for relationship interlopers.  If you are single, watch out for the HPV – contrary to the Girls propaganda not All Adventurous Women Do…  What else?  March asks you to dig deep and make some decisions about work.  What do you really want and what are you willing to sacrifice with regard to your quality of life?  Time is your most precious gift; use it wisely.


With the wake of February’s crazy upheaval behind you, now you must put one foot in front of the other and make decisions to right the course.  Determine what you really want from your life and relationships.  Vigorously pursue the very best for yourself because you deserve thorough satisfaction.  Talented and trusted, professionally Taurus has no where to go but up, up, up.  Those threatened by your success turn an evil eye on your back.  Repel the negativity with a shield of confidence.  Even though you are deeply sensitive, don’t let ’em get you down.  Stand strong in the face of evil.


Intellectually Gemini surpasses most, but they can be some of the dumbest motherfuckers when it comes to common sense.  Focus.  When you are scattered you are at your least effective.  Ruthlessly clear obstructions blocking your path.  Gemini excels with a plan and plenty of time.  The question is whether you are able to truly formulate a plan of your own volition and with your own dreams in mind.  Let go of the coattails of those you’ve been clutching and move forward on crafting the life you truly desire.  If you want to be admired, turn yourself into someone admirable.


Recently Cancer has experienced some of the calmest waters in recent memory.  Professionally, you’ve made critical gains.  Personally, Cancer experiences greater and more intense intimacy than ever before.  So what is missing little Crab?  When completing your moral inventory do you get paper cuts?  You can’t go back and change the past, but you can stop recapitulating the same mistakes while recreating the same situations.  Look at what is going well in your life right now and properly nourish these areas.  Distractions are landmines for Cancer; remain committed to the beneficial.


Bold Leos occasionally write checks their asses can’t cash, and this March they find themselves overdrafted.  Friends and family react with impatience at the pickles you get yourself into in March, Leo.  Hopefully, you’ve banked some goodwill because you are going to need it.  Let me spell it out for you: Leos need help this month.  What all this drama reveals is an unexpected confidant.  You’ll grow closer to a person you weren’t even sure you liked and that will surprise you.  Whether or not this person has romantic inclinations is yet to be determined, but you certainly have some sway in intensifying or deflating the potential suitor’s feelings.


Mostly Tauruses wear the stubborn crown in the astrological court, but you could really threaten to dethrone Bulls this month Virgo.  For some reason you refuse to accept certain realities of your situation.  A change is in order and you must abide the universe and what it has in store for you.  No amount of digging in of the heels will prevent the inevitable.  Resistance is futile.  Virgo has been looking better than ever lately.  Goes to show your commitment to certain regimes provide legitimate results.  This month invest in a good moisturizer and perhaps even splurge on a facial if time and finances permit.


In some ways February felt like the longest month for Libra, and you welcome March with open arms.  Don’t worry, this month will embrace Libra with affection in return.  Simple pleasures like long walks bring deep satisfaction as you peek towards an early spring.  These easy afternoons and honest conversations begin to stir Libras from their winter funk.  While flipping through fashion magazines you contemplate a new look for spring.  You always do well with black & white in modern shapes, but how can you add some unexpected sex appeal to your daily swagger?


Oh Scorpio what are we going to do with you?  Some may perceive your recent course of action as impulsive, but you never act rashly.  Quite the opposite actually, Scorpios ruminate on decisions at length before setting forth with a decisive and definite plan.  Get on board or get out of the way.  Conduct yourself with integrity and kindness regardless of how momentarily impatient or hostile you may feel.  When you look back at your greatest regrets, you’ll note they almost universally involve your mistreatment of others, especially those you love.  Remember Karma is only a bitch if you are.


Sags always try to paint everything with a pretty pink rosy brush.  One Sag I know just told me a long story culminating in a dead dog and she still tried to tie it up with a positive bow.  It’s a dead dog, lady.  There really isn’t an upside.  After a period of aimlessness, Sags find clear and unequivocal direction in the coming months.  Just because you follow the map doesn’t mean it will lead you to your destination.  Ballsy Sags explore detours to get where they really want to go.  There will be a few moments that test your honor and dignity.  These tests you must not fail.


Dutiful Capricorns feel particularly put-upon and resentful recently.  The hang-dog looks have been dimming your shine and bringing down your daily circle.  Expressions of gratitude help reverse your sad-Sally attitude.  Maybe when you realize how good appreciation feels you’ll send some to the deserving.  Caps excel at sweet and attentive gestures.  It is the grander proclamations of love that choke you up.  Clear your throat Cap.  Nut up and make your intentions clear.  You know what you want, that’s never been the problem.  Effectuating your desires is a different story.  Get out of your own way Capricorn.


Aquarius floats in and out of March like a feather.  Mostly you spend the next few weeks in a period of preparation, setting everything up to properly execute on future plans.  Richly talented and great at navigating the nuances of your professional world, there is really no excuse for you not to succeed.  Two possibilities?  Aquarius isn’t punctual and occasionally lacks gravitas.  Consider if one or both of these qualities limits your growth.  A cleanse could do you good right about now.  Abstain from food and alcohol for a day and see what good comes of it.

Sunday with Johnny Depp

17th Annual SAG Fashion: the pretty and the shitty

Best dressed goes to Julie Bowen for her flattering and original Catherine Malandrino jumpsuit.  Julie gets the prize because this may be the best she’s ever looked.  Hitting her fashion stride, the choice highlighted her toned arms and tiny waist.  Christina Hendricks also deserves compliments for reining in her (allegedly enhanced) rack in this elegant long-sleeved L’wren Scott gown.  Modern and slimming, a much-improved showing for our Joanie. Yeah, yeah, Mila looked great in Alexander McQueen.  Finally, she picked a gown that does her justice.  She’ll be the obvious contender for “best dressed” among the mainstream critics.  It wouldn’t be a proper awards show without a Demeter Clarc selection making the cut.  This time Julia Stiles worked this Monique L’huillier ombre from the Pre-Fall 2011 collection.  Don’t love the uninspired hair, but she gives good gown. A trio of cap-sleeved gowns appeared on January Jones, Jenna Fischer, and Nicole KidmanJayma Mayes and Jennifer Lawrence worked detailed variations of the theme.  None were particularly spectacular. On the fug continuum, Jayma sits on the least offensive end and Jenna on the way, way, way other side.  Heather Morris, Kyra Sedgwick, and Sarah Hyland served sexy strapless.  Tina Fey, Winona Ryder, Claire Danes, Dianna Agron, Julianna Margulies, and Natalie Portman sucked all the seduction out of the silhouette.  Angie Harmon suffered from a serious case of overcompensation.  I’m so mad at WinonaThe one-shoulder women, tasteful Hilary Swank wearing Versace, and budget Kim Kardashian in Marchesa. While originality is always appreciated, the most interesting part of Eva Longoria’s Georges Hobeika gown was estimating how much titty tape went into tacking that strap down.  Sophia Vergara joked that she makes everything look like Cavalli.  Unfortunately, that means she makes Cavalli look like JovaniLea Michele came with a whole different take on the deep-V in Oscar de la Renta.  Overall, it was a very de la Renta-heavy evening.

Little Women

Can’t get too nostalgic about Miracle on 34th Street?  What about Little Women circa ’94?  Let’s spark a yule log and enjoy Winona and the girls in all their unmitigated, mid-nineties glory.  Susan Sarandon presides over the sisters March played by Trini Alvarado, Claire Danes, Samantha Mathis, and a young Kirsten DunstLouisa May Alcott purists may quibble with certain literary inaccuracies, but isn’t that always true with adaptations of classics? Honestly, half of the enjoyment of this movie is luxuriating in the hypnotic 1860’s hair weave action.  The mega-manes serve as the attention-seeking fifth sister.  Consider a visit to Orchard House once you’ve taken your annual trip to Indiana for A Christmas Story.

Winona Forever Bitches.


The exclusive use of black, white, gray, pink, and green create the film’s visual mood.  Those familiar with a leotard recognize these colors, jaundiced by florescent lights, as the uniform and backdrop of hours spent at the barre.  The soundtrack – crack, crack, crack – crack of the toes, crack of the neck – this girl’s cracking up.  Aronofsky precisely uses both color and sound to create the ballerina version of Fight Club.  He perfectly cast Mila Kunis as the Black Swan’s Tyler Durden. Winona Ryder reminds us why she’s a STAR.  She brings a stomach-flipping unpredictability to Beth, The Dying SwanBarbara Hershey serves up the bitterness of broken dreams as Nina’s overprotective, infantilizing stage mom.Props to Portman, who truly transformed her body into that of a ballerina.  When it comes to the actual dancing however, her fingertips lack the infinite extension of an authentic dancer.  Natalie set vanity aside to play Nina, and for the most part rises to the occasion.Consistent with Aronofsky, Black Swan explores self-mutilation, this time in the name of ballet.  The film pirouettes with feminine images of perfectionism, aging, horror, eroticism and discipline.  Many will find it confrontational and unsettling, and that is a good thing.

Sunday with Milla Jovovich