Tag Archives: work

Fucking Flake / Uber Dick

BETTER PEOPLERecently, I worked with two people who possess selfish and annoying qualities.  The first one is a flake.  She wants to have meetings all the time.  In this group, it takes 15 back and forth emails to schedule a mutually-convenient time and place for everyone. Then she routinely cancels citing some dire (but in actuality not at all emergent) need to be with her kids.  She was almost an hour late to one of the three most important days of her job.  The reason?  She was so tired she just “crashed” the night before and then realized she had no gas on the way to work.  In my universe, neither are reasonable justifications for such serious lateness.  Her conduct is irresponsible, unprofessional, and annoying.   I don’t give a fuck about your kid’s pageant or any of that familial bullshit.  Spare me those sort of personal details in your excuse.  The reason you are bailing on a scheduled meeting has no bearing on the outcome of that decision – namely that now we all need to go through the tedious rescheduling process because of you – a meeting you insisted on in the first place. FLAKE

The other one is a new breed: an Uber Dick.  An Uber Dick is a person who wants to schedule all activities in close proximity to himself because he sold his car and now depends solely on Uber for transportation.  Don’t shift the burden of your transportation on to me, buddy.   This is the same dick who brags about the economy of going Uber.  Yeah Uber Dick, it’s a real money-saving strategy to use your Uber account to manipulate everyone into driving to you.UBER HATE

today was a good day

FILLMOREThanks to all my wonderful friends and students who came out to support me on a very big day.  I’m grateful for you.  IMG_0802IMG_0799

give it a year

WORKING GIRLProfessionally, the last five years have been difficult for many folks, myself included.  My undergraduate degree in philosophy prepared me to think deep thoughts while working retail, so I went the great fallback route and got a law degree to make my mom happy.  I litigated asses for a few years, hated it, and got swept up in the mass layoffs of 2009.  Shortly thereafter, my mom got terminally ill and I concentrated on seeing her through her last days in dignity.  Facing the brevity of life, I couldn’t go back to my soul-suck of career as a paper-pushing attorney.

So a little over a year ago against everyone’s expectations, I chose to pursue what is essentially a mythical career: a full-time yoga teacher.  I know you are rolling your eyes.  Everyone is a yoga instructor.  I get it.  Judge away.  You think I don’t get my share of jaw drops when I tell people I’m a licensed attorney teaching yoga full time?  Girl, please.  I’m not going to bore you with my credentials because I have nothing to prove, but let’s just say I have quite a bit more training than some eight week program at a local studio.  This decision was not made on a whim, I’ve been practicing and teaching for several years.YOGINI

I bargained with myself that I would give it a year; work hard, take every opportunity to teach, and ride out the financial valleys and peaks of this unpredictable career.  Not everyday was a success story.  I taught long stretches without a day off, on holidays, and subbed constantly.  Soon my income began to reflect my commitment level.  I’m doing exactly what I want to do and I couldn’t be happier.  I was a good attorney, but I’m an exceptional teacher.  I only feel comfortable saying that because I’ve worked hard to make it true (to the tune of 576+classes last year).BIKRAM CHILE

It isn’t too late to do what you want.  Yeah, it may require sacrifice, compromise, and strategic planning.  It will require you to bravely defy expectations, embrace humility, and realign priorities.  When you do get your ass on the golden path towards your soul’s rightful journey, your fate will rise up to meet you as the wind presses you towards your destiny.  Why spend your life slugging through the muddy path of resistance?  NEVERENDING STORYGive it at least a year.  Give it everything you’ve got.  Even if you fail miserably, at least you’ll avoid the tragic regret of abandoned dreams.  The more likely outcome is that you’ll succeed and never look back.FOLLOW YOUR HEART

 

Let’s Catch Up

SLACK ASS

Sorry I’ve been kinda slackass.  I met somebody interesting, and we’ve been spending time together.  You know how it goes, girl.

VIEW PREMIEREThe “new” View sux.  I’m disoriented by the set change.  Rosie O’Donnell’s gastric sleeve operation seems to have concentrated her already abrasive nature.  I used to like her.  Now, not so much.   Whoopi seems super unhappy.  She should have accepted the contract buyout allegedly offered by the network and split to less hostile pastures.  Rosie Perez served as the least annoying addition to the stage, but her talent is wasted in this format.  I haven’t bothered to learn the Republican’s name yet.  She wears her hair in a layered bob, so that’s all I need to know about her. ROSIESI’m keeping up with the Spring 2015 RTW collections, but many have disappointed.  Bodycon’s been trending out for awhile now, but for Spring 2015 it is gone.  There were a number of voluminous and oddly shaped garments parading down the runways.  I’m all for avant-garde, but clothing must flatter first.  Distilling these trends into a wearable narrative may prove challenging. TOM FORD SPRING 2015 RTW

TOM FORD · SPRING 2015 RTW

ALIK AND LOUISE

The Made in Chelsea gang spent the summer in NYC.  The MIC NYC finale just aired so you can bingewatch the season on 4oD.  If you are like me, you’ll have opinions about Billie.  And please note Alik’s overly passionate succubus kissing style.  He looks like he’s going to swallow little Louise whole. BILLIEOn the Diet Coke substitution tip, faithful reader Leah Love suggested Perrier as a pleasing alternative.  I’m currently investigating.  Thanks for the suggestion Mizz Love.  (((Hugs babygirl))) PERRIERWorking the next 18 days straight, so don’t assume if I’m not on the daily that I’m dickmatized.  Just working hard bitches, thanks for your patience and understanding. ♥ DCHALF ASS

 

Skills for Life: Tiny Cleaning Crew

TINY TOWN BOYLast week, I went on the cutest date with the best man to Tiny TownTiny Town is comprised of a ton of little dollhouses and has a little train you can ride around the modest grounds.  We arrived early before the crowds and commenced our tour of Tiny Town.  As we got toward the back of the colony of dollhouses, I noticed two girls.  The older girl looked about nine years old and the younger one around seven.  They had a bucket and squeegee and were cleaning off the exterior of the tiny houses.  I watched and listened to the diminutive cleaning crew working.  As they cleaned the dirt off the dollhouse windows one by one, I heard the older girl explaining to the younger girl that the water was getting dirty and needed to be changed.  They weren’t complaining, worked together without conflict, and encouraged each other to rally when they got tired.  I was super impressed.  Not only were these girls participating in age-appropriate chores, but the older girl was mentoring the younger girl by teaching her cleaning skills for life.  There was no direct adult supervision, and there didn’t need to be because these two young ladies were clearly raised with a sense of responsibility.  TINY TOWN TWO GIRLSYesterday, during my teeth cleaning, I was listening to my hygienist bitch about her step-children – two girls – ages ten and twelve who are spoiled brats with zero responsibility.  These girls respect no one because they have never been taught respect.  They have no life skills because no one ever taught them how to pick up after themselves.  As a result, the girls are ungrateful and bored because they have no appreciation for responsibility.  Parents who shelter their children from work are doing their kids a great disservice.  Find age-appropriate tasks and teach your children early on that life is a balance between work and fun.  Prepare your children for the reality of life not your fantasy of an ideal childhood.  Teach them self-soothing skills and self-sufficiency, so you don’t end up gifting the world with your useless, lazy, spoiled, entitled, and ungrateful offspring.  Yeah, I sound judgmental, but when it comes to parenting – if you aren’t going to do it right, don’t do it at all. TINY TOWN KID

35 day stretch…

CAM00343I’m working a 35 day uninterrupted stretch, and I really needed to clean my house today.  After triumphing over a vacuum repair, I was bummed to discover my washing machine is on the fritz.  As the device is less than a year old, this glitch makes me frown.  At least my house is clean now, even if I can’t do laundry.  I ain’t got time for testy appliances.  Fuck a boyfriend, I need a handyperson.FIX IT

After the premiere last night, I needed to sleep on my feelings about the new RHNY Housewife Kristen Taekman.  In a word – vacant.  Would it kill Andy to cast a intelligent woman to raise the discourse above girlish clichés and screeching hysteria?  I hate to say it, but since Bethenny left the RHNY the show has been extra boring and super fake.RHNY S 6People keep coming up to me and complaining of a sore throat.  I ask them if they have humidifiers.  They never do.  That’s why your throat hurts!  Moisten the air fool.HUMIDIFY

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: cue compassion

FUTURAMA SOCIAL CUESAt work yesterday, I had an encounter with a man illiterate at reading basic social cues.  My unqualified armchair diagnosis is that he may suffer from a mild form of Asperger syndrome.  This is my second interaction with him, and I suspect that I will continue to see him professionally in the future.  I have compassion for this man, but he makes me uncomfortable.  After we complete our initial salutations, he just stands there and stares intently and asks inappropriate questions.  His inquiry is well-meaning, but invasive.  I struggle with how to respond.  The awkwardness is compounded by the presence of other people listening.  Even though I intentionally break eye contact and busy myself with other matters, he just. keeps. staring.  The boundary-crossing interrogation continues until he is forced to stop by interruption of someone else requiring my attention.  He is at once creepy, annoying, and harmless.   STARING PROBLEMClearly the universe has repeatedly put this man in my path to teach me a lesson.  Patience?  Compassion?  A test of my ability to maintain my own healthy limits when challenged?  While I try to decipher this dharmic dickslap, I’ll try to remain polite yet resolved in the protection of my own privacy and integrity.  Any additional insights from DC readers with experience in such matters is always valued and appreciated. SUPERIOR EMOTIONAL IQ

Monday Morning Management Meeting: Put the Cookie Down

WON'T EATI attended a meeting the other day.  As a rough estimate, there were about 40 or so people there.  The professional gathering lasted just over 90 minutes.  During the brief assembly a number of people snacked.  This is a fit crowd and not a bunch of sedentary cubicle dwellers.  Still, they munched.  Some nibbled on some really smelly and random shit.  Like did that bitch just pull out a salmon roll? BUG SUSHI When did eating every second of the day become appropriate?  Barring some sort of specific health requirement, there isn’t any constructive reason to self-soothe through a meeting with food.  I never heard of anyone dying of starvation from waiting a whole 90 minutes between meals.  Furthermore because we care about manners here at Demeter Clarc, it’s rude to eat in front of others and not share.  If you don’t have enough raspberries for the room, then put them away.  GIMME SOME

Monday Management Meeting

DIG BITCHI’ve been working on a project lately that has me interacting with a number of different professionals.  I use the term “professionals” loosely as most of these fuckers can barely return a phone call or show up on time.  CUTE ELECTRICIANI measure a man by his word.  Where I come from, when you say you are going to do something, you do it.  Anything less is unacceptable. TAKE IT OFFDespite a punctuality-softening stint in California, I arrive on time to professional appointments.  I don’t hire late bitches.  PIPE LAYERShow up on time and do what you say you are going to do.  Sounds simple, right?  Then how come these grown-ass men can’t seem to manage it?CUTE CONSTRUCTION