Tag Archives: yoga etiquette

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: Cell Phones in Yoga Class; let’s not

CELL PHONES IN YOGAAlright yogis, I know you are busy.  I know you have kids.  I know you are electronically leashed in a variety of ways.  All that notwithstanding, do you really NEED your cell phone in yoga class?  Yoga is a spiritual practice.  Your postures are your body praying.  Would you bring a cell phone into pray?  Leave your electronics, keys, and shoes outside the yoga room.  If you are understandably nervous about your shit getting stolen, lock it up.  Namaste. DICK WITH CELL PHONE IN YOGA CLASS

Demeter Clarc Manners Moment: Who the Fuck Asked You?

A few days ago, a person came to an event I was hosting uninvited and as a last minute add on.  Even though space was at capacity at my event, I welcomed this person because we are friendly.  The event went well and afterward I greeted well-wishers and bid them adieu.  When the add-on emerged, her vibe was chilly.  After mumbling some general niceties she threw in some general criticisms too.  While she served up her haterade my mental tickertape read “who the fuck asked you?”Unless a person specifically asks for your opinion, don’t give one.  If someone does ask for your opinion, be honest, but compassionate.  As for critiques, keep ’em brief, keep it kind, and keep a friend.As someone who serves up unsolicited opinions as a hobby on this site, some of you may find my position a little contradictory (dare I say hypocritical?), but remember attendance here is 100% voluntary.  And if I haven’t told you lately, I’m so grateful for youxoxo DC

Fitness Fashion Splurge: Lululemon

The idea of spending $100 on workout pants seemed ludicrous.  Then one day it became clear why Lululemon is worth the investment.  During yoga, your pants may be revealing more than you realize.  Less substantial yoga pants are so transparent that the entire outline of your junk can be seen in certain poses.  Straight up Penthouse Pet inner-labia bitches. Celeb-preferred and now ubiquitous, Lululemon, the pricey Vancouver-based company, has become the fitness apparel choice for runners, yogis, and gym bunnies.  This shit ain’t cheap.  Choke the price down. The thick, absorbent, wicking, compressing, miraculously flattering proprietary fabric won’t reveal your noni, and will flatter your body before you even work up a sweat.  With common sense care, this gear last years.  Serious durability means no buyer’s remorse.Start with one pair of pants and marvel at how good they make your ass look, but please don’t become one of those dumbass bitches so intoxicated with the sight of  her own ass that she uses these pants to shamelessly troll for men at the gym.

Misanthrope’s Yoga Guide

Nobody wants to smell your stank pits.  If you can smell yourself, you smell.  Don’t impose your funk on others.

Quietly roll out your mat.  You aren’t unfurling a scroll from the King, save the pomp and circumstance.  Same with your towel, I really don’t appreciate the gust of wind that billows dust and hair all over me as you fan your towel about.

Don’t touch my mat, my towel, my water, or my person.  Your mat is your space, my mat is my space.

This one’s for the yoga teachers, don’t confuse class with your American Idol audition.  No matter how much you love chanting and the sound of your own voice, the whole class doesn’t want to listen to you chant for several minutes.  A short chant is fine if that’s your thing, but save the anything over a minute for your personal practice.

Shut the fuck up.  There are very few places left in the world where silence is honored and respected.  The yoga studio room is supposed to be one of the last bastions of quiet.  If you want to talk to your friend, go outside.  Under NO circumstances should your cell phone or your shoes ever enter the practice space.

Learn the basics first.  You should spend several weeks in beginner classes to learn alignment and form.  As you progress you can advance in your classes, but if you lack adequate foundation you risk injury. Don’t be such a pussy.  You are going to feel some discomfort; it’s just part of the process.  Sharp pain is not.  Take it easy, but don’t give up at the first pang of resistance.   Yoga is character building because it teaches you how to cope with discomfort.

Namaste Bitches!