At the end of last year, a federal employee with the social security administration was formally reprimanded in a five page letter for excessive workplace flatulence.
Only a third of us produce methane-tinged toots. Some research suggests it could be indicative of an imbalance. Others believe it’s a genetic quirk. I suspect methane production proves one’s darksidedness. 
The bloodstream picks up gas created in the intestines and carries it to the lungs where it is released in your hot breath.
The more sulfurish your diet, the stankier your butt breeze. Meat and eggs, we are looking at you.
The change in atmospheric pressure experienced when flying causes intestinal bloating and a scientifically-proven need to rip ass – co-passengers be damned. 
I’m meditating in the desert bitches. 
I spend more on superfluousness in order to get free shipping. 
I turn my car stereo up so loud that I can’t hear my radar detector. 
First, as predicted by many, Nashville lived up to its golden pedigree. This isn’t a show about country music per se. It is a modern soap set in a town run by country music (which is a meaningful difference). Connie Britton hasn’t ever disappointed me, and I’m so happy to see her strong performance drive this staring vehicle. Hayden Panettiere isn’t really that good of an actress so I’m assuming she was typecast because she delivers a surprisingly nuanced performance. In sum, Nashville is worth tolerating a twang for.
With autumn comes a vengeance of sneezers and coughers. I know these cold sufferers are feeling really sorry for themselves, but seriously, cover your mouth and wash your hands. Here’s a novel notion: if you are that sick, stay home, sip tea, and ask yourself why you were Patient Zero among your clan during this season of sickness.
In the market for new workout wear? I get so many compliments on my Margarita yoga pants made by hand in Israel. They hold up as well as Lulu, but have much more personality.
I confess I’m spending another weekend on the mat at a yoga retreat. I know, I know, I’m not Jennifer Aniston. 
My good buddy is coming into town and we are going to spend the weekend working our practice for 6 hours a day. Some of you stopped reading right there. 
We’ll bend and twist in so many obscene ways. Here are a few of the poses we’ll play with in case you are morbidly curious…
What the fuck is the deal with the decorative towels? Can someone explain this fug phenom to me please?
Daily readers know, last weekend I went to the Telluride Yoga Festival. Saw Ralph Lauren’s ranch while I was there. Major. Telluride is major in many ways, but that’s a story for another day. And I do have a story about puffing on the gondola and then having a pushy Texan wedding party come crashing into our little hot box. 
But today we are talking towels; specifically, decorative towels and what purpose, (if any) they serve.
I stayed at a friend’s in-laws. Possibly awkward to begin with right? Well we rolled up to their 2 year old mountain home and our host showed me to my quarters – a single fold-out cot set up in the office. No problem, I’m not a snob. Some curtains or blinds on the windows would be nice for privacy, but the sleeping accommodations were adequate, and let’s face it the price (free) was right. 
Ask me if the bathroom in this million+ dollar home was clean. No it wasn’t. In fact in the two years it has existed I wonder if it has ever been properly cleaned. Nasty. I’m not asking for much, but clean the goddamn bathroom for crying out loud. I’d rather be poor and tidy than rich and filthy. Is that why they call it filthy rich? 
If you are one of those matchy-matchy mutherfuckers, I ask you to reconsider the useless decorative towels. Towels are meant for absorbing water off the body, not for gazing at reverentially as if they are priceless art. It’s a fucking towel. 
If you host a guest for three days provide the following at minimum: 2 large bath towels or bath sheets, 2 hand towels, and 1 or 2 washcloths. They should preferably be white, soft, clean, and fluffy cotton. 
Taking a long weekend trip to Telluride to practice yoga this weekend at the Telluride Yoga Festival. Tons of top quality instructors descend on the mountain town for the fairly-new-to-the-scene gathering. 
The ritzy mountain enclave counts Oprah, Tom Cruise, and Ralph Lauren as some of its part-time residents. 
Between my down dogs I promise to work a little star intel. Maybe Tom will take a few days in the mountains to let this whole divorce drama die down. 
Want to make a late correction to today’s post. I believe I may have misidentified the shop where I bought my dress as Flutter Clutter when it is in fact called Eden. Eden has a website at edenportland.com. I’m going to leave information on the sister shops in this post because both are worthy of attention, but to be clear, Eden is the extra cute store where I bought my reasonably-priced reworked vintage. I wholeheartedly apologize for any confusion. There is just so much sweetness in Portland, it is hard to keep it all straight. 
Stumbled upon a darling shop in rosy Portland today called Eden. I was drawn in by a rack of adorable dresses outside the store and made my way in to discover a number of unique treasures. 
Eden stocks all sorts of fun, like quirky found items, granny’s thrift store dresses reworked into modern shapes, souped-up vintage furs and lingerie, delicious perfumes, books, cards, cute tid-bits, and whimsical what-nots. 
Often when I stumble across a store of this nature, it is full of sweetness, but the prices are astronomically bitter. Not at Eden; their special finds are priced to move. How does $52 for a one-of-a-kind frock sound? Sounds totally reasonable to me, so I picked one up. 
Check out both websites flutterclutter.com and edenportland.com; the online inventory is more limited than the in-person browsing experience, but you can get a taste of their eclectic offerings. Enjoy free shipping on orders exceeding $100. This shop is well worth a look and full of intriguing gift ideas.
Portlanders keep a number of vegetarian restaurants and food trucks thriving, and Prasad is a standout among them. Prasad shares space with a yoga studio – Yoga Pearl. Didn’t get a chance to take a class, but yoga + a delicious vegan lunch sounds like a fantastic afternoon to me – a great concept for a shared space that is well-executed. Leave it to Portland to get it right. 
